Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday 0
From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Oh! More Things I Know:
There is no I in “Congress.” Because their ethics rules permit them to hide it from the public.
If Barack Obama sneezes, the official Iranian news agency will translate it as, “U.S. President wants to kill us all in our beds.”
There’s an easy way to bring Guantanamo detainees to America without having them touch American soil. Hoverboots.
I haven’t heard a peep from Don Imus all year. And I am a better man for it.
The fact that I could be sitting here writing one moment and then waking up in the hospital the next, with no recollection of what happened between the writing and the waking up, concerns me. I’m guessing one of my enemies will have tried to poison me.
In yesterday’s C&J poll, 89 percent of you said you’ve never belonged to a country club, thus confirming my worst fear: Kossacks are terrible elitists.
I think I figured it out: an evil cyborg version of Governor Mark Sanford entered our world from a parallel dimension and is trying to eliminate the real Governor Mark Sanford, who so far has managed to stay one step ahead. If my calculations are correct, the climactic showdown between the two will take place on top of the Eiffel Tower.
Anyone who thinks a longer dick is a better dick has never read a 500-page book by Jonah Goldberg.
For the last time, there are no “moderate” or “centrist” Democrats. Call them what they are: conniving conservatives.
Our cat turns 20 next week. She’s doing okay, but when she meows it sounds like Chewbacca sucking on helium.
Mark my words. The next powerful unregulated interest group we’ll need to worry about is Big Whirling Dervish.
Cheers and Jeers starts in There’s Moreville… [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
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