Cheers and Jeers: Mutton and Hard Cider Friday! 0
From the MASSACHUSETTS-ANNEXED FRONTIER TERRITORY OF MAINE…
The Declaration of Independence: Brittle Parchment of Liberty
If you are going to sever ties to your Commonwealth through bloody struggle, it is considered polite to write down why. Nobody wants to get three years into a revolution only to realize the whole thing was a Three’s Company-esque misunderstanding. The Declaration of Independence was the laundry list of grievances stating America’s case for freedom. Its accusations against the King ranged from egregious (”He has plundered our seas, burnt our towns and ravaged the lives of our people”) to the trifling (”Sometimes when he sees us at a party he acts like he doesn’t know us”). But proud men would not take up arms against the Crown solely because the King had “erected a multitude of new offices.” The authors of the Declaration knew they would also have to appeal to man’s higher nature, to stir men’s souls. They needed something with some zazz. Enter a hot-shot tobacco executive from Virginia, Thomas Jefferson.
His task would be to synthesize the unique brand message of America down to something that would captivate the hard to reach “12-28 ragtag militia” demographic, all the while not offending traditional “Butterchurn Moms.” His first attempt at a Preamble was:
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AMERICA. A is for All the tea they taxed. M is for the Minutemen they shellaxed…”
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It tested poorly. But his rewrite would be win-win:
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“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
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In a scant 35 words, Jefferson had given the nation the kind of positive brand identity that tendered moot the issue of whether or not we had to live up to its ideals. Still, knowing the inherent contradiction between their noble words and the reality of a slave-owning nation, Jefferson and the Founders wisely decided to strike from the Declaration of Independence the phrase “or your money back.”
—From America (The Book): A Citizen’s Guide to Democracy Inaction
Happy 233rd Birthday, America, We The People luv ya. The original Cheers and Jeers from July 4, 1776 starts in the Commonwealth of There’s Moreville… [Washington's sword: Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Liberty Bell: Gong!!]
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